The Betrayed Husband

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On DDay me and the BH talked on the phone for a few minutes and he was just as devastated as I was and just couldn’t believe it. I told him if he ever needed to talk I would always be here and that we were the only two people on earth who knew exactly how we were feeling. I never heard from him and I wondered from time to time how he was doing.

So one day I was having a really bad day, it was about a year and a half after DDay. I called him and ask him how he was handling it because I was in really bad shape. He was really nice and polite, he told me he was actually doing ok that he had forgiven her and just doesn’t think about it. Which really confused me, HOW? How do you do that because I wish I could, he said he didn’t know that he has just been so busy. 

I told him I was happy for him and glad that he wasn’t hurting and struggling like I was. I went on to say that I hated to bring it up and make him think of it when he was doing so good but that I was just having the hardest time with how they were doing that right under everyone’s nose for over 7 months! He said “WHAT??!! She told me it only went on for a couple of months and they only did it a couple of times” OMG! I felt so bad! I felt the pain in his voice and wish I hadn’t said anything and started apologizing and he told me not to apologize for a thing that it was ok and he needed to know. 

Well then a couple of weeks later he came to visit me and wanted to talk and I could tell he was under the influence of something. He wanted to ask me a few questions and let me know he had lied to me when I ask how he was doing and he doesn’t know why he lied, denial he guessed. He said that he wasn’t doing good with it at all, that he thinks about it everyday and it is eating him alive, that he was doing drugs to deal with it and getting high all the time and he was thinking about going to rehab because it was really bad! He said she was staying high all the time too. 

Again I started apologizing for even calling him, that I probably triggered him and he told me no it wasn’t my fault. 

I heard he did go to rehab a couple of weeks after that but it didn’t do any good, he relapsed as soon as he got out. I haven’t seen or heard from him since then but I think about him sometimes, and wonder how he is.  A few months back someone told me they had talked to him and he was still in bad shape and hadn’t gotten over it yet either, that he said he has finally realized she is nothing but a whore, he hates her and just wishes she would overdose and die 😳

Their shellfish choices hurt many people and have actually destroyed lives. 

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Flashbacks

I don’t know why I haven’t wrote about this until now. Maybe because I have just gotten so use to dealing with it by the time I started my blog, it is a normal part of my life now.

One day during their affair, of course at that time I didn’t realize they were in the midst of an affair!

I woke up one morning and walked into the kitchen to fix my coffee, which is my normal routine, I’m addicted to coffee 😍 My bedroom is right off the kitchen I have to go through the kitchen to get to any part of my house. This particular morning when I was heading to fix my coffee as I neared the door I seen her sitting at my kitchen table and my husband was standing with his backside leaning up against the stove. I said good morning and went on to fix my coffee like I always do BUT I had this feeling come over me, it really confused me and it was overwhelming, I knew something was not right! Red flags every where, that was moment I realized something was going on between them. I do not know how to explain my emotions/feelings that morning or what even made me feel that way – hell, she was at my house all the time! Maybe it was because I was sleeping and she was in my house so early just chit chatting with my H while I slept? I knew something was wrong with this picture!

So now everyday when I get up and go into my kitchen I have a vision/flashback of her sitting there, Every. Damn. Day! I have worked really hard on this and nothing has worked to stop it. I redecorated the kitchen, I bought a new totally different table, I have tried replacing the vision of  her with someone else, etc….etc….nothing works! So maybe if I write this down here and put it out there in the universe it help, sometimes it does 🙂

Beauty Tips

 

So the past couple of years I can really tell I have aged, I’m certain I have aged more than I should have due to the stress from what my H has put me through. I can really tell it by my skin, it is looking so dull and I’m starting to wrinkle and crinkle! Now I know aging is normal and not a lot we can do about it but I thought maybe we could share our beauty and any make up tips! 😍

When I realized how bad my skin was starting to look, I thought I should give myself a good body scrub, I didn’t have any on hand so I made my own 😳

I took some coconut grease (like Crisco but made from coconut oil) and some sugar and this is what I used. I stood in the bathtub and rubbed the coconut grease all over me, then I used the sugar a little at time doing sections of my body at a time and I scrubbed myself really good with the sugar, easy peasy and it doesn’t take long.

Then I showered as usual and When I got out of the shower and dried off, I could tell a huge difference! My skin was so soft, and even had a little glow back in my skin, it lasted for a few days. So I have been trying to do this now at least once a week, of course after a few days my skin goes back to how it was before I scrubbed but for a few days it looks and feels so much better! 😍

Do any of you have any beauty tips you would like to share? I would love to hear any of your beauty routines or ideas! ❤️

The Future

I use to look forward to the future. I was looking forward to not having to work so much. Not having to cook and clean so much because I knew one day all the kids would grow up and leave home. I would not have to spend so much time at the grocery store, trying to keep enough food in the house because it was full of men!

I use to look forward to having time for myself to do things for myself. To not always have to be thinking of others and their needs.

I use to look forward to having more time with my H.

I looked forward to being able to do what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it.

I have spent most of my life cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, working, taking care of my family, there really was no time for myself, which I’m sure many people can relate too.

So this time has come in my life and I can’t even enjoy it!

I Never imagined I would be living with a broken heart, I never imagined my H would turn out to be a lying cheat, I never saw it coming, I was so blindsided, it sent me in to a shock that lasted for a very, very long time.

I no longer look forward to the future, I’m scared of the future! I have to live one day at a time, sometimes moments at a time! I feel there’s nothing to look forward to so I have got to work on Really just living in the moment because thinking I have no future makes me even more depressed.

This is now my life and it is what it is and there’s nothing I can do to change it, but I don’t have to like it 🤪