I hear a lot of talk about happiness and how you have to find it from within and no one can make you happy! I learned this long ago. Maybe that’s why I was so happy in life and in my marriage. Of course I had bad days, off days, but for the most part I was happy and content. I just lived in the moment and took things as they were whether it be good or bad. 

See when I was younger I had a job I became miserable in. The job itself was physically hard, with long hours, crazy schedule and sometimes just really stressful. One day I realized I needed to make some changes. I was thinking, praying, weighing things out. All of a sudden I had some kind of epiphany and everything became clear. It came to light that I didn’t need to let what was going on around me affect me, I just needed to be happy with what I had and make the best of it. I realized I needed to be a better person. I needed to be more caring, understanding and compassionate. I needed to accept people for who they were. It’s like all this just clicked in my heart and soul one day and I found a happiness and peace in life. Of course it wasn’t all butterflies and rainbows, I had days when I fell short but for the most part I finally understood so much in life. 

As time went on I continued to grow and learn and by the time DDay arrived, I had my shit together as a descent human being. Of course I would continue to grow and learn, we can always do and be better. So I have tried to see what I’m supposed to learn from this, and what I need to work on. What I realize is I didn’t need my H to cheat and cause me trauma  to realize I needed  to change, I realized that long ago and have always worked on myself and willing to look at myself. I didn’t have an empty hole in me. 

But now I’m confused? Why has what my H did taken away my happiness? I can’t seem to change my outlook this time! He has destroyed my heart and soul with all his lies, deceit, chaos and making me feel crazy and confused! I have lost my joy and can’t find it. How can I let someone like those two take away my happiness? 


13 thoughts on “Happiness

  1. It will come. When you are ready. I just read an article about Peggy Vaughan, author of The Monogamy Myth, etc, that says she took nearly ten years to heal. It sounds insane, and hard. Because it is a little of both! But I was nine years in and finally felt healing was happening. It takes a long time, a period of mourning, the grief is intense.

    But, as you did when younger, even though both of us lost faith, the healing will come. It won’t be neat and tidy. It won’t restore us to who we once were. But I believe you can be happy again. Just the shape will be changed. It allows us to become even more empathetic to others. I believe in you, BB xxx

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Hey honey, I just wanted to let you know that I did find some articles and blogs to support that collagen peptides lowers serotonin levels and can cause/increase anxiety, depression and night terrors – both of which I had https://www.everywomanover29.com/blog/collagen-gelatin-lower-serotonin-increase-anxiety-depression/

    I didn’t find this with the power I initially ordered, but I started some capsules Saturday after dinner and BAM – I was a fucking sobbing mess. It may not be the case for you, just be careful xo

    Liked by 1 person

  3. It’s not a nice space to be in, but you know what hun, you will be happy. I have a dear friend who has told me earlier today again that we should be creating our own happiness and not rely on others to make us happy, and other who told me that I need to find myself, the real me, the me that I was intended to be… and then be great… Hope you will find your inner happiness!!! strongs

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Your happiness does have to come from within yourself.
    That said, sometimes it is impossible to find that peace and happiness within you with some people in your life. Could be a parent, spouse, friend, sibling.
    Some people who were an important part of your past cannot be a part of your future.

    Separating from these relationships is very often not permanent. Parents, siblings, children often work hard to reconcile. Friends and spouses who love you will want you to find your happiness. They may give you the room to find it but they won’t move on before knowing you’re happy without them.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. He has not taken your happiness, he has knocked you off the life course you were on and having to re-route from where you thought you were going is difficult. I know it feels like he has taken it but honestly, its time, determination and a lot of soul searching, talking, writing….you will get there..this was about his issues and short comings, not about you


  6. I remember reading somewhere that you should expect it should take at least as long as the affair timescale to heal. So…
    Affair lasted 8½ years.
    I am 4½ years post DDay.
    Only 4 more years to go!
    Yay me!!!!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s