I hear a lot of talk about happiness and how you have to find it from within and no one can make you happy! I learned this long ago. Maybe that’s why I was so happy in life and in my marriage. Of course I had bad days, off days, but for the most part I was happy and content. I just lived in the moment and took things as they were whether it be good or bad.
See when I was younger I had a job I became miserable in. The job itself was physically hard, with long hours, crazy schedule and sometimes just really stressful. One day I realized I needed to make some changes. I was thinking, praying, weighing things out. All of a sudden I had some kind of epiphany and everything became clear. It came to light that I didn’t need to let what was going on around me affect me, I just needed to be happy with what I had and make the best of it. I realized I needed to be a better person. I needed to be more caring, understanding and compassionate. I needed to accept people for who they were. It’s like all this just clicked in my heart and soul one day and I found a happiness and peace in life. Of course it wasn’t all butterflies and rainbows, I had days when I fell short but for the most part I finally understood so much in life.
As time went on I continued to grow and learn and by the time DDay arrived, I had my shit together as a descent human being. Of course I would continue to grow and learn, we can always do and be better. So I have tried to see what I’m supposed to learn from this, and what I need to work on. What I realize is I didn’t need my H to cheat and cause me trauma to realize I needed to change, I realized that long ago and have always worked on myself and willing to look at myself. I didn’t have an empty hole in me.
But now I’m confused? Why has what my H did taken away my happiness? I can’t seem to change my outlook this time! He has destroyed my heart and soul with all his lies, deceit, chaos and making me feel crazy and confused! I have lost my joy and can’t find it. How can I let someone like those two take away my happiness?