Drinking 🍹

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Before DDay I never drank, the last time I had alcohol I was in my very early 20s right before I met my H and I hadn’t had a drink since, until DDay, I went out that night and had several beers!

After that  I started drinking pretty regularly. There was a spell where I drank almost everyday, at least a couple of drinks to knock the edge off. In the beginning it really helped, it actually worked! I could have a few mixed drinks or several beers…it took several beers for me to get a little tipsy. I think I have a high tolerance for alcohol even tho I don’t drink 😱

But I could get a little tipsy and I felt sooo much better! My mind would stop racing, I would stop thinking about the affair, I would be in a good mood and I could sleep at night! If I didn’t have a few drinks one night, I couldn’t sleep and all I would think about was his affair and what he had done to me and our family. So I drank almost every evening for a long time. I guess almost 3 years. I came to realize this was not healthy and I needed to stop drinking and depending on alcohol to feel better. So I started cutting way back and the last two years I have drank very little, just when I have had a REALLY bad day or I am just tired of all the bullshit and I want to be happy and in a better mood.

But lately I am thinking of starting drinking again 🤪 Hey whatever works right!!

From what I hear it’s no different than taking the anxiety medicines that the doctors prescribe for shit like this.

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3 thoughts on “Drinking 🍹

  1. I made a point not to drink at all after I kicked Carol out. I knew I was numb with shock and that drinking would bring out some intense feelings. I finally drank a month later when her and I hung out instead of working on our separation agreement. I used to drink a lot when I was younger. It would get me into trouble.

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  2. Why allow someones bad deeds push you into a place of self harm? It seems to me he is then damaging you twice over. I was determined not to let my H’s shit to get me on any other level. I find if you face it, you learn to defend your mind and heart against it over time. Shed the tears, work through the anxiety. Read books, self help….

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    1. Apparently your idea of self harm is much different then mine…there is nothing wrong with a drink now and then…cutting myself open is self harm to me…that I am fighting and not doing so drinking wins!

      Like

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