I was the one who was there!

Heard this song for the first time today and it tore me up!

I helped him build his life and career and she came along and destroyed it all!

Our marriage, lives, business all gone!

I was always there for him and supporting him and cheering him on!




I know Brandy she aint shit I know that much she use to work at Tyson foods where ever there is a man you see brandy

So this comment was left on an older post on my blog yesterday about the OW!
Someone who knows the OW!
Someone who knows she’s a whore, well I think everyone knows it now.
How do I not blame her?
How do I not think if she hadn’t come along throwing her self at him this never would have happened.
I am realizing that after everything I have found out about her, I want to blame her for this!
I keep fighting the urge to blame her for this!
At the same time I keep telling myself I can’t blame her because no matter what she did my H still shouldn’t have done it.
I have got to find a away to stop thinking this way and just except it!
This has become a tug of war within me!

Things I Now Realize


I have always heard they can’t read our minds, well From the very beginning of our relationship I made my wants and needs known. Now, there were times I may have just mentioned it in passing or threw hints out there but I made it known what I needed. I still didn’t get what I ask for!  So what did I do, instead of being a nagging wife or getting upset with him, I did these things myself. For example… the things I’m talking about is romance, special time, dates etc…things to keep our love alive. 

So what did I do? I planned romantic nights or weekends away and sometimes I would call ahead and order the romance package, rose petals, chocolate covered strawberries and cider (I didn’t drink back then) it would be waiting in the room for us when we arrived. There were times when I brought these things with me and set it up myself. There were also times I planned romantic settings for nights in at the house. 

So now after Dday these things really hurt me, I feel stupid for going out of my way so much just to be cheated on and I am having a hard time not thinking of it and letting it go. I feel I did so much to keep us going, when he didn’t put much effort in it at all and maybe I should have seen that as a red flag but at the time I just figured he wasn’t one of those romantic guys and didn’t know how to be romantic.

I keep thinking that if there was ever an excuse or reason to cheat, I had much more reason to cheat than he did. He couldn’t put in a little xtra effort for our love life but he could put all that effort into another woman! All the lying, planning, and sneaking around, that took effort! 

Damn his ass! 

This is the aftermath of his affair! Things I have come to realize with time, things I didn’t realize in the beginning. This is one of the many things I am dealing with and trying to process after his affair, I have wrote about many of the other things too and it usually helps to lay it down here. 

There is just so much to affairs, so much aftermath that we have to deal with, it isn’t just “oh ok you had an affair and I need to forgive and move on” there are so many layers to this shit! I know the day will come when I have processed through all the things like this, it will get better! 🙂

It Is A Big Deal


Sometime after dday I was having a conversation with one of my neighbors and they started telling me how they could understand how I was suffering and it would take a long time to get over it, IF I ever do.

They told me their step dad had cheated on their mom and it completely destroyed her. She became severely depressed and never left the house, she got drunk or high everyday. She became very, very sick and in a matter of years she was dead! 

This really took me back, I didn’t even know what to say. I mean what do you say to something like that? 

Well a few weeks later they paid me another visit and started talking about their situation with their mother and told me the step father had given their mother Aids from the cheating! Damn, that is messed up! It messed up a lot of people. This individual was a late teen at the time so was their sibling, they ended up in a foster home for a few years and their lives haven’t been real good. All for some strange. 

So if anyone thinks cheating is no big deal they are sadly mistaken, cheating is a very big deal, this could have happened to any one of us!